And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
