I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this will be a night to untag.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
