I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
