I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
