He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
