ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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