Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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