i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
