i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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