I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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