Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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