I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
