Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
