totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
