1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
