I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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