oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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