you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
