You don't have asthma, your pregnant
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
