I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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