i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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