so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
