my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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