i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
