there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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