my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
