I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this is an emotional support booty call
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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