I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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