I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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