He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
