My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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