I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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