my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
