I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This girl is more easily done than said...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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