Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
