My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
