She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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