At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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