I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
