Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's the barista slut.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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