hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
