By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you had me at cake vodka
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
