I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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