new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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