where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Michael Bay diarrhea
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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