Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
