i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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