what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
