Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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