Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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