everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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