and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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