we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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