i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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