I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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