he shaved USA in his pubs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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