AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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