a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
