I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
