as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
