I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
