take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
