you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
