Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
