we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
