By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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