I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
