I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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