She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
