OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
