We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
