You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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