we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
