I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
