Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
