Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
