my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just pee around me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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